Groundhog Day and other complaints.

Hey dudes.
How are you doing? It's been a while. You know, the old "If you don't have anything nice to say.... drink lots of wine...."

So, let's, for a moment, embrace the negative. Let's celebrate the annoying, the frustrating, the bullshit. Let's say, really loud, "Hey stupid shit that keeps happening, it's your turn to shine!!!" There have lots of hard, crap things happening in my universe of late that I won't go into, but instead:

Here is a list of whingy, petty, pain in the arse problems!

• Moving carseats between cars can make me want to punch a kitten.
• Why is it so hot! Who wants it be this hot? Make it hot at THEIR house. Not mine.
• Why doesn't my Apple TV work? It worked 2 days ago. Does it not know that it holds ALL THE MOVIES my children want to watch???
• Landline phone. PISSES ME OFF. I hate it when people phone me on the landline. I have to get up! And go over to it! And then I don't even know who is ringing before I say hello! DARK AGES MUCH?
• None of my clothes fit. Even the ones I have bought recently seem to have shrunk. Being overweight SUCKS.
• Cooking food is not fun. I do not enjoy it. I do not love it. It is not a delightful experience. Jamie Oliver can choke on a preserved lemons.
• Every day is Groundhog Day. Same games, same movies, same mess, same fights. Where is Bill Murray? Oh that's right! That was a movie! This is  my life.
• Technology can bite me.
• If you are waiting for my car park, don't expect me to hurry just cos u are sitting there with your blinker on. I have twins and shopping to put in the car. That will take as long as it takes. Edging closer and closer is not going to make me go faster. It is going to make me sit in the drivers seat and check Twitter before I reverse out. Deal with it.
• Government red tape and bureaucracy always seem to favour the OTHER guy. We never seem to get a break.
• Why do TV stations replay the same movies within weeks of each other? They must own shitloads of films. Stop playing that Bruce Willis movie where he's the hostage negotiator and show us something else!
• Cracked heels. You are killing me.
• Smashed iPhone screen. Are you frickin' serious?
• Wees on the floor.
• 4.30am wake ups.
• NO MILK IN THE FRIDGE.

Who is running this place?? Cos I wanna speak to the manager!!!!

What are your first world problems?

The Step Father

There has long been a stereotype of stepmothers in the media and film- evil bitches, right? Probably not. Some of them, maybe, I don't know many.... but that's not my gripe. And don't get me started on mummies in kids films- usually dead, often absent. But that's not my issue either.

It's Step Fathers that get a really crappy go of it in films. What is that about?

My husband is a Step Father. A great one. It's a hard job. It's not always a bowl of awesomeness. So, why does Hollywood need to make it more difficult by providing zero positive, realistic portrayals?

In Hollywood, a stepfather is usually a well meaning doofus, (Liar, Liar, Mr Poppers Penguins, 2012,).

Or a mega-rich (sometimes older) jerky dude (Run, Fat Boy, Run, Taken, What Women Want, Night at The Museum). 

They usually love the kids involved, sure. But they are really only a bit of set dressing that serves it's purpose in the first third of the film. In these films, the poor hardly done by Daddy is the hero. 

The Step Dad disappears when Mummy and Daddy inevitably get back together in the last scene. Is it really necessary to ALWAYS get mummy and Daddy back together?!?! In real life, there are very good reasons why mummy's and daddy's are no longer together and usually they would have no business being anywhere near each other. And Daddy's aren't always pathetic losers who are pining for their ex wives. They move on too.

Can anyone tell me of a film where:

• Mummy and Daddy break up
• Mummy remarries Step Dad
• Step Dad is a nice, cool guy
• Kids love Step Dad and Daddy
• Kids see Daddy regularly 
• Mummy and Step Dad live happily ever after

The only exceptions I can think of are on TV:
Mr Brady

Carole's first husband never showed up to woo her back. It was the fifties, so it was never really clear exactly what happened to him. He was probably dead. That was much more proper than divorce.

But the winner by far:
Jay Pritchett 

On Modern Family, Jay and Gloria are happy and in love. Manny loves Jay and Jay has worked to create a good relationship with him. It hasn't always been easy. Gloria's ex Javier is flaky, but Jay never speaks badly of him to Manny and respects that he is Manny's dad. Javier has no intention on trying to win Gloria back, and if he did, I am sure she would have no interest in it! LIKE REAL LIFE.

Why is Hollywood set on perpetuating this negative narrative? Is it a conservative, moral majority belief that kids should be raised by their biological parents? Is it just an easy, hackneyed storyline that bad writers use? I know that Hollywood and the film industry are in no way a realistic representation of life, and its all just for entertainments sake, but for the love of Mike Brady, give the Step dads a break!

Not so super hooper....

So, I am trying to lose some weight. Medication, chocolate and too much wine have combined against me. My well meaning neighbor asked me recently if I was having another baby. 'No, Just fat! But thanks for asking!!'

A few weeks ago, I had a brain wave. It is notoriously hard to get away from my children  find the time to exercise, so I thought a perfect solution would be something I could do at home whether the boys were there or not. And what would be that perfect thing??

Hula Hooping!!

I picked up a couple of hula hoops from Big W and was filled with a new motivation and sense of purpose. I was ready to  hula the shit outta that hoop and lose my wine belly before you could say, "Semillion Blanc, anyone?"

But guess what? I can't hula hoop. 

That thing hit the floor a millisecond after I flung it around my waist.  My hips and waist seemed to be fighting on opposite sides of a very uncoordinated battle. 

The thing is, I just ASSUMED I would be able to do it. Who knew that hula hooping is an acquired talent?!? I thought everyone could do it. 

I told my Lovely Husband of my failure.

Lovely Husband: "Show me.  Surely it can't be that bad?" 

Fling. Clatter. (the sound of stupid hoop hitting the floor)

Lovely Husband: "Wow. I thought it would at least go around once or twice. You really can't do that, can you?"

Me: "I KNOW! It is so disappointing and confusing 'cos I was REALLY AWESOME at hula hooping on the Wii."

Lovely Husband: "You realise there is no actual hoop involved with Wii hula hooping. It's just wiggling your hips."

Me: "Hhhmmm. That explains a lot."

Have you ever assumed you could do something you totally couldn't do?

Gavin and the Not-Real Girl

Sometimes, I think I am not a real girl. 


(I mean, I'm like, totally an actual girl- I have had babies and everything. Ask Gavin. He knows.) 


But, I'm referring to 'Girlness'. I recently met a large group of cosmetic salesgirls. (I'm not sure of the collective noun for a group of cosmetics girls, but I think it's a Shimmer. A Shimmer of Cosmetics Salesgirls.) They were all so beautiful and made up and perfect looking. And I couldn't help but think- that looks like a LOT of work. I am waaaay too lazy to be that fabulous.


It started me thinking- what other girly things do I not do?


SO, here we go....


- I pretty much never spend more that 10 bucks on any piece of clothing. Whether it be thrifting or bargain shopping in chain stores, I just don't see the point in spending a crap load of money on clothes. I love clothes and accessories, don't get me wrong, and I totally look awesome ALL THE TIME.....but I'm also a real tight wad. Tight Wad wins.


- I've had my eyebrows waxed maybe three times in my life. I have never had anything else waxed. Life can be annoying and painful enough without torturous hair removal. 


- I am well renowned and critically acclaimed in the field of burping.


- I don't really care about the makeup I buy. As long as I have a foundation, a mascara, some blush and a black eyeliner, I'm good to go. I do love my Maybelline mascara (the pink and green one- been buyin' it for years) but other than that, I'll just buy whatever. Usually whatever's cheap. See: Tight Wad. 


- I don't care if you leave the toilet seat up. I need it down, you need it up. Big Deal. Why is the way I want it supposedly the right way? I do think everyone needs to put the whole lot down- lid and seat, just cos it looks tidier. But I'm not gonna go all medieval on any male's ass for leaving the seat up. You know what I do? I put it down and get on with my life.


- I four pairs of shoes I actually wear. 2 pairs of boots, orange Mary-Janes and some thongs. I have some others, but I rarely wear them. I am the anti-Imelda. The Antimelda.


- I point out nice boobs to my husband. He appreciates it.


- I never wash my makeup off before bed. What's the point? I'm just gonna put more on tomorrow....


- Like most real girls, I do like handbags. But when I want a new one? I make it myself. 

Made from recycled vinyl and fabric from Reverse Garbage

Are you a real girl? What IS a real girl?

Order in the house

I do like order. I like the chaos of creation, only when followed by a good dose of tidy-uppy sorty- outy order!!


Sometimes I feel like I am not the Yellow Wiggle in the Big Red Car. (He is the driver. He is in control. I would have asked for an additional chauffeur's salary if I was Sam, but whatevs). 


Sometimes I feel that the universe is jerking me around, that I am not in control.


But I can control the buttons. And the remote controls and the owls and the books and the toys. I can make my home and my mind make sense. I can calm my thoughts with repetition and peaceful order.


No, I am not crazy- Thanks so much for asking, though! I think we all have a little OCD in us... some of us just look after a whole other cities OCD quotient as well as our own. Seriously though, how can you not love all those toys in their own little spaces? Look at how happy Upsy Daisy and the Tombliboo look!


They are saying, "Holy Shit, you are rad Gil! Can we watch you sort all the remote controls in the house into size order!?!"


Of course you can, freaky little creatures. Of course you can.


Are you a control freak organiser?


x gillian

Little glimpses

Here are a few little glimpses from the last few weeks....

Sometimes little glimpses of your own life can make you forget the yukky, hard bits and just relish the awesomeness. 


See? You are talented, your babies DO sleep, you are loved and your house is beautiful. So, what are you worried about? 


Zombie Apocalypse?


Well, I have no lovingly cropped and captioned photo to fix that one, weirdo. You are on your own.


Take a little glimpse of your universe today and remember how cool it is.


x Gillian

Stubby Cooler Craft

As I mentioned the other day, (for those of you paying attention) I love to make my own Christmas Paper. I love the organic, bespoke feel of it. And it's free. I like free stuff. 

I don't have anything against store-bought paper. Some years, I use it, and love to make all the presents match. It does make me nuts when presents wrapped in OTHER PEOPLE'S PAPER appear under my tree and ruin my aesthetic. I have been know to try and force my mum and sister to use the same paper as me, so ALL the presents match. 

They have been know to say, "Have you taken your medication today?"

SO, while the crazy lunatics where asleep the other day,

(SIDE NOTE: How do you stop 2.5yo's from CLIMBING ON TOP of their chest of drawers, which is over twice their height?!? And how do u stop 2.5yo's from eating the cat's food*? And how do u stop 2.5yo's from peeling the paint OFF THE FRICKING WALL? I know the answers to these questions, I just can't believe I have to ask them in the first place!!!!)

Anyway, while the sweet little angels were sleeping, I taped down a bunch of Ikea paper and got to it.

The green chevrons may look a little wonky here, but that's part of the cuteness of handmade stuff, isn't it?

(How cute are my toes. My husband says I have hobbit feet. Mean.)

To contrast with the green chevrons, I decided to do some red spots. And what better stamping tool to make spots is there than a Stubby Cooler? I know, I am totally awesome and unequivocally Oz. Mate.

Again, I think the messiness, and irregular nature of the spots works really well.

Add some grosgrain ribbon from the craft cupboard and some simple gift tags (created in Illustrator and printed out) and you have some pretty cute presents!! I have a few more to buy yet, so my shelf will look lovely and full! And matchy match match matching! 


(I promise I'm not a total jerk who loses it if the presents don't match.... And I totally don't care when the remote controls aren't lined up parallel on the arm of the couch... And who cares if  my Owl Collection is out of alignment and needs to be rearranged every day? NOT ME)


My fabric bunting adds the final touch to my gift shelf, don;t you think? Notice the presents are not under the tree. They are on top of a high book shelf. I think we all know why....

 X Gillian


* I don't let the boys eat cat food. On purpose. Kidding. Sort of.

Christmas Shmistmas

SO, it's feeling a little Christmassy up in here. Our tree is up, and its so pretty. Christmas is one time I can pretend I still work in Visual Merchandising and get all control freaky with the decoration of the tree. But with 2yo twin boys, I had to throw that out the window! I hoped that if they were involved in the trimming of the tree, they may not see it as their sole mission in life to destroy it and everything it stands for. 


So far, so good. Eli is so in love with our pretty tree, he could barely sleep on the first night we put it up. He had to come back upstairs to say goodnight to it again.  And again.


And I got to add another sentence to the list of Crazy Things ONLY Parents Of Two Year Olds Say:
"Jasper! Stop licking the Christmas Tree!!"


Why would you lick a Christmas Tree? But then again, why the hell not? It's the only way you can find out how it tastes! Or how the cat tastes, or money, or your brother...


I sometimes dread the Christmas period. Starting from the Awesome Teenager's birthday in November all the way through to the Lovely Husband's Birthday in January is often a guilt ridden, white knuckle ride of  uber stress and extreme anxiety. This year, something is different. I am not stressed. I am organised. I am looking forward to Christmas day. Probably because we are going out for lunch. To an airconditioned venue, where someone else will make and serve the food, then clean up the mess. And I will drink wine. In air conditioning. Awesome.


I totally understand why this time of year is can be such a trigger for stress and depression. There are so many expectations of the day- the right gifts, the right food, the right dress.... Who is coming? What are they bringing? Will they piss me off? Will I say the right thing? My family are super cool and heaps of fun, but we have all been guilty of over-stressing over the last few years when it has been our turn to host Christmas. This year, we are all guests. We can all relax. Sometimes, we get so bogged down in the logistics of the day, we forget to just enjoy each other.  This year, we will remember.


Are you organised for the big day? Do you love Christmas, or does it stress you out?


x gillian

my creative space

I have been inspired by one of my daily blog reads, herlibraryadventures to share ....

I don't have a dedicated studio/ art room right now, so I have had to use the space I do have very wisely. I have been accused of being slightly OCD, while still having an artistic brain. This means I like Ordered Chaos!!!

My space is basically in the kitchen, so I find that if everything has a place, a tray, a jar or a hook, I can keep myself mostly tidy.

Things I love about my space is having my fabric and bags hanging around me for inspiration, my photo gallery of all of our family and the view out of my window. I planted those plants myself!

Do you have a creative space? Or just a place you love in your home? Share it!!

X Gillian for Tessie Designs

my favourite...

I love Teapots. I don't drink Tea.
I have been collecting Teapots for a few years now. I don't have a million of them, but every single one means something. The ones my Lovely Husband has bought me are the most special. He does say that our house is in danger of looking like a 'Bric a Brac Shop'... and yet he buys me teapots.... kinda like buying a fat kid cake, then trying to send him to Fat Camp.... hee hee. 

a selection of teapots and family (yes, the pictures are wonky... straight is soooo 2010)

x Gillian for Tessie Designs