Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Playground Politics

Shopping Centre playgrounds can be a godsend. The kids love them. I can grab a coffee and check Twitter.. I mean.. watch the boys play...

But they can also be a social minefield, a parenting nightmare, a Lord of the Flies re enactment...

Lord of the Flies... but with bright colours and more slides.
Here's why:


Why are there never enough seats for the parents to watch their kids? It's like they WANT us to put our kids in there and go see a movie... Cinemas have LOTS of chairs.

Did your kid just hit my kid?
It was totally your kids fault..
I saw it.
Did you see it?
Get your kid away from my kid.
Oh shit, that was totally my kids fault.
Did my kid just hit your kid?
Where IS my kid?

Dear Other Parent,
When you stand in that particular spot to watch your child play, you may not be aware that all the parents sitting on the allocated seating behind you cannot see their children playing. As watching your child play is obviously important to you, you may understand that it is also important to other parents. You dumbass.
Yours Sincerely, That mother sitting behind you who will totally sue you if someone snatches one of my kids while you and your ginormous shopping trolley are blocking my view of the playground.


Awkward=  My kids deciding that a particular child in the playground is a "Monster" and should be run from, preferably screaming, "Save me! Save me from the monster!" And I'm sitting next to that kids mother.

My kids WILL go up the slide the wrong way. So will yours. They will knock each other over. Someone may cry. Let's all accept it and move on.

Please don't let your eight year old boys into the playground. I'm sure they are lovely boys, but they are too big and mental and they may trample my little boys under their ginormous feet.

Don't judge me for bribing my kids to get them outta the playground.  I choose my battles.  And my primary weapon in my silent war is donuts.

How do you survive the Shopping Centre Playground?


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