Monday, 16 April 2012

Speaking English

My husband is English. He is from England.
I speak English. He speaks English.
You would think that we would speak the same language?
No Way, Dude.
So, here is a tutorial on how to translate 'ENGLISH' into English.

1) The Side.
The kitchen benches are called 'The Sides'. As in, "I'll just go and wipe down the sides."  BUT: The TV channels are ALSO The Sides. As in, "Which side is Craig Ferguson on?" Confusion. What is Craig Ferguson doing on our kitchen bench? He lives in LA!!

2) Pants
Pants are undies. Pants is a funny word and will be giggled at. If you say, "Should I wear pants or a skirt?" He will be scandalised and say, "I think you should wear both!!!" What we call pants, he calls 'trousers'. Which to me is a word that should only be uttered by grandads about the pants of their WWII uniforms.

3) Swimmies
Not togs. Not Swimm-ers. Swimmies. How cute is that?

4) Yoghurt
We pronounce it 'Yoe-gurt'
He pronounces it 'Yogg-ut'
How will we raise the children!?!?

5) Juice
OK. This is gonna be confusing and complicated. 'Juice' is any drink, excluding water and alchohol.
Coke is Juice. Lemonade is Juice. Cordial is Juice. And finally most confusingly, Juice is Juice. I have learned this and now accept this lunacy as normal. That's Love, man.

6) Joggy Bottoms
= Tracksuit pants. And one of the funniest word parings around. Joggy Bottoms should be the name of a retired old vaudvillian. Or a washed up stripper. "Here's the girl you've been waiting for... Joggy Bottoms!"

7) "Trunky wants a bun."
a) I want a bun
b) Don't be so nosy
c) Stop eating all the buns, fatty

When my Lovely Husband first said this to me, I thought he was saying "Chunky wants a bun." And I thought he was calling me fat. :-( 
But of course, he wasn't. He was just telling  me to mind my own damn business!

(The answer is actually B... like an elephant looking for buns.....stupid)

8) Route/ Root
So, in the UK, the word route (pronounced root) is NOT rude. It's how you get from here to there. That is all. So, when my cartographer husband says, "I'm just gonna plot our root." I giggle and say, "I appreciate your commitment, but why don't we just see what happens!" He rolls his eyes and says I'M immature. Then he snickers about the word 'Pants'.

OK, so I hope that's been helpful to those with Englanders in their lives. I hope you will now have less wacky misunderstandings about undies, elephants and yoghurt... (Hang on, I think that's a movie starring Joggy Bottoms...)

Do you have communication breakdowns with English speaking foreigners? Or cats? Or yourself?


  1. All are the guys says how the conversation makes a difference in the spoken English to set a spoken English makes it simply and great it have a common language to be follow.

    1. You, however, clearly cannot speak English at all.

  2. My Dad is English (cockney slang is rather common around our home) so I got a real laugh out of this. Hilarious!

  3. I worked with UK folks at Transport. They used French words like aubugine, courgette and cafeier to describe things I called eggplants, zucchinis and coffee plungers.

  4. Hi, I'm english and came across your blog whilst trying to find out where Trunky wants a bun originated from after my sister said it and we started joking about it. I love your english into english! I was told once by an american to walk on the side walk? but I could only see a pavement lol

    1. Classic! That is so awesome Hevstar. Im glad you found me and Im glad u enjoyed it!

  5. Oh, this is soooooo funny! We lived in London for 18 months and learnt really quickly to not discuss pants or thongs!

    Love your work!

    1. Hee Hee, its so funny how our language can be so similar and so differnet at the same time!

  6. What a funny post. We also speak English (South African English) and have had heaps of laughs at the differences. Route - we are the same as your husband - it's how you get from one place to another !!!!!

  7. Thanks Linda. I'm sure you guys have a whole other set of Sth African specific differences too! Route. Rude.

  8. Ha ha Love this! We have just moved to Oz from UK, have had the thong conversation already, I am sure there will be many more. Great Blog!

  9. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.


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