How are you doing? It's been a while. You know, the old "If you don't have anything nice to say.... drink lots of wine...."
So, let's, for a moment, embrace the negative. Let's celebrate the annoying, the frustrating, the bullshit. Let's say, really loud, "Hey stupid shit that keeps happening, it's your turn to shine!!!" There have lots of hard, crap things happening in my universe of late that I won't go into, but instead:
Here is a list of whingy, petty, pain in the arse problems!
- Moving carseats between cars can make me want to punch a kitten.
- Why is it so hot! Who wants it be this hot? Make it hot at THEIR house. Not mine.
- Why doesn't my Apple TV work? It worked 2 days ago. Does it not know that it holds ALL THE MOVIES my children want to watch???
- Landline phone. PISSES ME OFF. I hate it when people phone me on the landline. I have to get up! And go over to it! And then I don't even know who is ringing before I say hello! DARK AGES MUCH?
- None of my clothes fit. Even the ones I have bought recently seem to have shrunk. Being overweight SUCKS.
- Cooking food is not fun. I do not enjoy it. I do not love it. It is not a delightful experience. Jamie Oliver can choke on a preserved lemons.
- Every day is Groundhog Day. Same games, same movies, same mess, same fights. Where is Bill Murray? Oh that's right! That was a movie! This is my life.
- Technology can bite me.
- If you are waiting for my car park, don't expect me to hurry just cos u are sitting there with your blinker on. I have twins and shopping to put in the car. That will take as long as it takes. Edging closer and closer is not going to make me go faster. It is going to make me sit in the drivers seat and check Twitter before I reverse out. Deal with it.
- Government red tape and bureaucracy always seem to favour the OTHER guy. We never seem to get a break.
- Why do TV stations replay the same movies within weeks of each other? They must own shitloads of films. Stop playing that Bruce Willis movie where he's the hostage negotiator and show us something else!
- Cracked heels. You are killing me.
- Smashed iPhone screen. Are you frickin' serious?
- Wees on the floor.
- 4.30am wake ups.
- NO MILK IN THE FRIDGE.
Who is running this place?? Cos I wanna speak to the manager!!!!
What are your first world problems?