I think I am a test guinea pig....

This week had been tough. The monkeys and I have been virtually house bound due to the sucky, sucky rainy weather. 


So, it seems the boys have been experimenting with how far can they push Mummy before she starts drooling and rocking in the corner. So far, results must have been inconclusive, as they seem to be upping the ante on their experiment with such tests as:


- What will mummy do if I bite my brother ON THE FOREHEAD?


-Is the pain worth it to see how high Mummy jumps when I slide nude across the wet bathroom floor and crack my head on the tiles?


- Just how many times can I say "Please Mummy Darling" before she will relent and let me eat the cat's food?


- Is it possible to throw every single toy I own on the floor while Mummy is trying to talk on the phone? While my brother is screaming?


- Do I need sleep? Really? Standing at the bedroom door shouting, "Daddeeeeeee" for 45 minutes is awesome.


- How many times in a 24 hour period can we watch 'Shrekky Babies.'


AND the final, most important step of the experiment:


- What will Mummy do when, during our Saturday morning swimming lessons, she realises I have had a 1" diameter button shoved up my nose FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG?!?

Oh my goodness, indeed. Why don't they serve hard liquor at the Sam Riley Swim School??? 


I need a nap.


X Gillian

This is showbusiness, kid!

Palmwoods Hall- home of The Palmwoods Players

When I was younger, my sisters and I (including my extra-sister Angela) were part of our local theatre company The Palmwoods Players. The first show I remember being in was Peter Pan. I played Wendy's daughter. I think my character was made up. But I had a kick ass yellow sleeping bonnet thing that my mum made me. I think I was about 9 at the time. I thought I was the shit.


Now, my sister Jodi was Peter. She was the star. Angela was Tinkerbell. My other sister Debbie was one of the Lost Boys. She had to wear a fern hat thing on her head and the girl playing her twin had really stinky breath. I don't think she has ever recovered, but that is her story. This is mine.


So, Jodi was often the star of the Palmwoods Players. She was (and still is) very pretty and a very good singer. I was always cool with that. "My sister's kind of a big deal" and all that.


When I was about 12, The Players were putting on Jack and the Beanstalk. I decided that I was totally going to get the role of the Princess. (Is there a princess in Jack and the Beanstalk? Another made up character!) I figured I was getting older, I could sing, I was Jodi and Debbie's sister- I was totally due a good part! I was awesome!


So, we all auditioned. The night that the parts were being announced, I was nervous, but I was also confident. It was my turn. I had nailed the audition (I assume. I have no actual memory of the auditions whatsoever)


Mike and Muriel (the funny old couple who ran Palmwoods Players, and who were responsible for all the made up characters) started announcing the cast. 
"Jack will be played by... Jodi!"
YAY!!


"The Queen will be played by... Debbie!"
YAY! Hang on... I don't remember there being a Queen in Jack and the Beanstalk either! What the hell?


"The Giant will be played by... some dude!"
( I can't remember his name. But he had red hair. And he was tall. Talk about type casting.)


"The Princess will be played by..... Whatever-her-name-was!"
NOOOO! I'd missed out on the part to some girl! I was super disappointed, but I thought, Hey, surely I'll get one of the other decent supporting roles. Won't I? I'm awesome, remember?


So this went on for a while.. The villagers, Jack's Dad, sundry other extras, whatever. 
And my name still hadn't been called yet.


By this time, there are only a two people left in the place who don't have parts. 
Me and Stinky Breath.
Mike says, "And the role of the front of the cow will be played by..... Stinky Breath."
My mind is screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Muriel says, "And finally, the role of the BACK of the cow will be played by... Gillian!!!


I beg your pardon, Muriel, I thought you said,
YOU ARE MAKING ME THE BACK OF THE FRICKIN' COW!!!!!

This is me and my family around this time. I am the uncomfortable looking one with the large bosoms. I am a self conscious, twelve year old girl, who's two sisters are playing starring roles. And I am the back of a cow. This is totally not going to mess me up psychologically AT ALL.


Muriel sees that I am not peeing my pants with joy and she says, "Don't worry Gilly, you are also the understudy for the front of the cow if Stinky Breath can't do it.
WELL, SHIT MURIEL! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!!!! BRING IT ON.


I remember oh so vividly, the shame and embarrassment of bending over and holding onto Stinky's waist under the musty blanket we used as our cow hide. 


Unfortunately, the show never made it to the stage. (Theatre critics around the world were devastated.) I can't remember why. Perhaps Mike and Muriel were sued by the creators of all the musicals they cavalierly added characters to over the years.  Eliza Doolittle's gay brother Donny was the straw that broke the fake cow's back.


My lovely Mum did however, make the most gorgeous cow costume for me and Stinky Breath. I actually kept the head of the cow for years. I even took it with me when I left home. 


Maybe as a reminder that if you are too cocky and arrogant, you may just end up being a big cow's arse. 


On a related, weirdly morbid note, when I was in Year Eleven in High School, I played the mayor of a German Town in a crap vampire musical. My character was called The Burgher. (German mayor's are called Burghers. You're welcome)
I think the girl who was making my costume didn't like me, because my costume included a hamburger bun hat and a lettuce tie. The hat had sesame seeds. 

Mine wasn't this cool. 

In 5 years I had gone from cow to hamburger. And I STILL WASN'T THE FRICKIN' STAR!!!


Were you in local theatre as a child? Have you ever played an embarrassing role in a play? Or just in your lounge room?


X Gillian

Order in the house

I do like order. I like the chaos of creation, only when followed by a good dose of tidy-uppy sorty- outy order!!


Sometimes I feel like I am not the Yellow Wiggle in the Big Red Car. (He is the driver. He is in control. I would have asked for an additional chauffeur's salary if I was Sam, but whatevs). 


Sometimes I feel that the universe is jerking me around, that I am not in control.


But I can control the buttons. And the remote controls and the owls and the books and the toys. I can make my home and my mind make sense. I can calm my thoughts with repetition and peaceful order.


No, I am not crazy- Thanks so much for asking, though! I think we all have a little OCD in us... some of us just look after a whole other cities OCD quotient as well as our own. Seriously though, how can you not love all those toys in their own little spaces? Look at how happy Upsy Daisy and the Tombliboo look!


They are saying, "Holy Shit, you are rad Gil! Can we watch you sort all the remote controls in the house into size order!?!"


Of course you can, freaky little creatures. Of course you can.


Are you a control freak organiser?


x gillian

shyness...

Morrissey of the Smiths once sang,

"Shyness is nice,
But, shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to"


I think of this line often.
I am shy. 
I find it difficult to speak to people. Especially people I think are cooler/ cuter/ smarter/ better than me. 


I rarely initiate social interactions- even with my closest friends, just in case they have decided I am a nuisance, a bother, a dickhead.


I find it hard to follow up on opportunities my talent attracts (Hi Suger!) for fear that the person offering the opportunity will find out that I am not cool enough... cute enough... smart enough... good enough. 


I used to avoid contact with the parents of my child's playmates. I did not encourage his social life, as I was afraid the parents would judge me.... would think I was white trash. I regret this more than anything else in my life. I am terrified I will repeat this stupid behaviour when the twins begin to make friends.


I am shy. 


I can write here, and be honest and funny and cute. But if I saw you in the street, I would probably pretend I didn't see you, or didn't recognise you. Even though, I see everything and I recognise everyone I have ever glimpsed in my life.


I can stand on a stage and sing, or tell jokes. But if you come to the side of the stage after the show to speak to me, I will blush and stammer. And you will change your idea of who you thought I was. Just like I knew you would.


I actually don't think I'm shy. I am socially phobic. I suffer from depression, for which I take medication. I struggle every day with my asshole inner voice. Most days I win. Some days, I come in a close second. But, like DJ Lance says: I keep trying and I don't give up. 


I don't want to be shy. I don't want to be phobic and anxiety-filled at the thought of social interactions. I don't want the depression to make me slow and tired and useless.


So, I am going to try and believe that my Inner Voice is singing me the NEXT line of the song 'Ask'


"If there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me I won't say No,
How could I?"


x Gillian


*side note: I think Morrissey was probably talking about sex in the song 'Ask'. But whatever. 


also, I went to see Morrissey solo in 1991 with my sister Debbie at the old Festival Hall in Brisbane. He only played that one show in Oz that year, got the shits and went home. It was an awesome show. I remember catching the train into the city, thinking we were co edgy and cool in our vintage floral shift dresses, black ribbed tights and boots. When we arrived, we were surrounded by hundreds of girls who looked just like us. Where we came from (Logan) we were the only ones.

Little glimpses

Here are a few little glimpses from the last few weeks....

Sometimes little glimpses of your own life can make you forget the yukky, hard bits and just relish the awesomeness. 


See? You are talented, your babies DO sleep, you are loved and your house is beautiful. So, what are you worried about? 


Zombie Apocalypse?


Well, I have no lovingly cropped and captioned photo to fix that one, weirdo. You are on your own.


Take a little glimpse of your universe today and remember how cool it is.


x Gillian

a poem for my LH

 

Earlier this month, he had a birthday. I have written him a poem...

It's called:

Armpit

Lovely Husband.

You look good in a hat.

You are always lovely to me, 

even when I was fat

(when pregnancy was not so great-

you could have told me there were twins in your family

on our first date!)

You take pictures and you draw maps 

You are so clever and talented

THAT I NEED TO WRITE IN CAPS.

I think you are kind and spunky

Especially when you don't shave.

We share the same sense of humour..

can u say .......HELLO DAVE!!

I love you very much

And I know I always will

And I would NEVER punch you in the armpit

'cos apparently

that can kill.

x gillian

Mein Liebster!

So, the universe is, like, totally awesome and earlier this week I received a 'Liebster Blog' bloggy award from my new Blogger-Girl-Crush Lady Daa Doo. Her blog is about Lady Stuff and cool stuff and it's fab. I recommend not drinking coffee while reading it, unless you like it when coffee comes outta your nose. I do not like that. But I Doo (see what I did there) like Lady Daa Doo.

The last award I received was at my high school formal.  Each subject department chose their recipients, and the English department had 'Alice in Wonderland' theme. I received the 'Alice' award*. I even remember Mrs Bland's introduction, as I walked up to accept. 
'She fell down the rabbit hole, of her own accord. She's Wistful, whimsical and wild.' 
I wish I was still that Alice. 
Even though all the sport boys yelled out 'FREAK' when I hit the stage. Suck it losers, I relish my teenage freakdom now!


Back to business....

What is a Liebster Award?

"Liebster is a German word, meaning dearest or beloved, but it can also mean favourite.  The idea behind the Liebster Blog Award is that it is given to bloggers who have less than 200 followers in order to create new connections and bring attention to these wonderful blogs."

Here's the to-do list of any Liebster award recipient:

1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
2. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Post the award on your blog. (Right click on the award image and save it to your hard-drive and then upload it to your blog).
4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the Internet – other bloggers.
5. And best of all – have fun and spread the karma!

Ok, so now I get to award some Liebster's! 

Accidental Wonderland When I discovered Miss Ames' blog, I thought to myself, "Look, it's me, 11 years ago! But with more confidence and a nicer life!" 

tsk tsk Beautiful,  dreamy art by Brisbane artist Tiel. 

Sheri Bomb Sheri is a Gil Elvgren poster come to life. Her blog is an awesome glimpse into the Rockabilly culture. She is a great writer too.

Skiddadle Super cool paper toys,  puzzles and illustrations by my brother in law.

Mike and Kayla These two are nuts.

So, my few and fabulous readers, go check out some of these guys!


and once again,

what was the last award you received?

x Gillian 

*Miss Jodie-Anne Hunter-Smith was the Queen of Hearts... lets do a coffee soon, Your Majesty!

Has it been a year already?

On Monday, we sat and had a lovely picnic on the banks of the Brisbane River in the shade of GOMA. This time last year, we would have been under metres of brown, debris filled water. 

Has it been a year already? We were personally untouched by the tragedies of January 2011, but I remember vividly the sadness and pain I felt as I watched my city being destroyed. I remember crying with Anna Bligh and applauding her tough, human leadership. I remember the disbelief and shock I felt as I saw that blue car bounce through the tsunami-like waves in Toowoomba. I remember sobbing for the Rice family.

So, one year on, as my family and I played in the awesome Yayoi Kusama's  'Look Now, See Forever' rooms at GOMA, I did have a little chat with the Universe... let this year be different. 

Let this year continue as it has begun- bright, safe, and filled with colourful spots....

x Gillian

A Visit From The Goon Squad in flowchart form...

UPDATED: 13 May 2013 to include corrections and additions :-)

I love a good flowchart. I like graphs. And lists. And filling in forms. And parallel remote controls. But I really love flow charts. 

So, when I finished  the novel 'A Visit From the Goon Squad' by Jennifer Egan yesterday, I thought "I need to make a damn flowchart of that!!"

This book was awesome. Music, New York, punk, youth, despair, theft, Powerpoint presentations and a billion interconnecting characters who hook up across decades, continents and time. Ever since I saw Robert Altman's 'Shortcuts', I have loved the seemingly disjointed, that becomes a chain of connections that cross and link back on themselves. Lovetey love, love love. 

I also loved the concepts within the book around the passage of time, of ageing, of wondering who you have become and who were you in the first place.  

And how awesome is a book with a whole chapter written as a Powerpoint presentation? I'll tell you how awesome- Totally.

If you haven't read the book, I hope you can just appreciate my Character Map as a piece of art. I think the links and connections between us all are beautiful. I would love to  map my friendship group- how we all came to know and love each other, who links to who and in how many ways. then I would love to map Brisbane- the ultimate small town. I love knowing that I have met people who I could have met through one or two totally different people. I have been thinking in Six Degrees of Separation for years... even before Kevin Bacon was the key....

In the mid-late nineties, I became obsessed with a flow chart I created that developed into a concept called The Seinfeld Theory of Reality... One day I will Blog about that... If I feel like exposing even more of my crazy...

Have you read 'A Visit From the Goon Squad'? If not, why not?!?

x Gillian

hey 2012

I'm a-comin' for ya... 
Me and my new haircut..

Resolutions are kinda stoopid- no one seems to be able to keep them. Especially me.

Instead, I am starting my  

Hey 2012 To Do List.

1) Focus on my health... and lose 12kg

2) Go out dancing with my husband

3) Prioritise our home- painting, fixing, making it awesome

4) Expand my design experience and opportunities

5) De-stress...Start a yoga class

6) Find 3 brick and mortar stores for my Tessie Products

7) Have solo outings with each of my 4 boys

8) Spend more time in Op Shop and Vintage stores

9) Go camping with my family

10)Work towards our future goals

So, I figure, seeing as I love a good list, it will be easier for me to try and achieve some if these. I know some of them are pretty airy fairy and non-specific, but whatever dude, it's my list and I can make it how I like.

I spend a lot of my life listening to my internal voice. The one that tells me I am stupid, fat, ugly and that I am always doing it wrong. This year, I am gonna tell that voice to shut the hell up.

And I think that's what you should do too. If your internal voice is a jerk, that is.... 

Perhaps you have a lovely,  supportive internal voice that tells you, "Wow, you are totally awesome! Everyone thinks you are ace. You smell like cinnamon." 

If so, maybe our internal voices can get together for a play date? Although, my internal voice would probably just bully yours until it got an eating disorder....

Do you have a 2012 To Do List? Or a jerky Internal Voice?

x gillian