Slide Wars

When good-slide times go bad...

Ouch.

Sugery Goodness!

Today I am featured over at Friends of Suger- Melissa's weekly blogger style feature. Come and see!!!!

Cheers,

weekend

This weekend was chock 'o' block full of lovliness. 

Starting with the twins first 'Big Boy' swimming class (Gav and I are are no longer in the pool with them). They were totally awesome. Their instructor was a cute nanna-type lady called Judith. The twins loved her, even though she was calling them the wrong names all lesson! I told her at the end and she said, "Oh, I thought one of them was a bit deaf!!"

Saturday afternoon saw us at  birthday party for a special little bear called Bruno. I made him his own  bear, which I totally forgot to photograpgh, but luckily I made some for J and E too! They are called 'Dave'. 

Then, Sunday was up to Maleny for my beautiful niece's twelfth birthday. I am so proud of the confident, funny, awesome chick she has become. 

Not so cool end to the weekend- my Lovely Husband banged his head with the lid of the car fridge and ended up with a massive gouge in his noggin and 3 stitches!! 

Poor Fella :-( 


How was your weekend?

Workin' for the Man

So, the other day I was talking about Jobs.
(Not Steve Jobs, that's my Lovely Appleboy Husband's job... to talk about Steve Jobs... He loves Apple.. and Steve. Jobs.)


SOOO, the other day I was talking about Jobs.
(My Lovely Husband's job is being a super smart Cartographic Director Guy. And confusing me with his 'English')


JOBS. I was talking about Jobs.
(When you don't have a job, you watch a LOOOOT of kids TV. And you think WAAAAAY too much about it.)


I GOT A JOB! OK?


Well, it's actually my old job, but a mini version of. I decided to go and visit my lovely ex-manager and ask her if I could come back for 2 days a week. And she said yes!


I will miss my little monkeys on those 2 days, but they will be with their daddy having awesome boy-type  fun.


I am so looking forward to being part of that team again. I'm looking forward to consistently financially contributing to my family. 


And I'm totally looking forward to interacting with people do not require me to be involved with thier wees or poos. People who will not throw their lunch at me (hopefully), and people who will converse with me about things other than Puss in Boots and Superheroes. I think these people are called adults...


So, I am now officially back workin' for the man. And I couldn't be happier.

This is my totally professional, awesome work face.


What a difference a few weeks make, hey?

What I don't get about kids TV

I have toddlers. I watch a lot of Children's TV. Some is awesome- Yo Gabba Gabba is the mother-flippin' best. Some is crap. Pingu can bite me.


But my concern is not about quality, it is about whether it works. I don't care if it's the premise of the show is totally wacky and out there- it must make sense within it's own universe.


OK, so it's for kids, right? So why do I find so much of it confusing and weird?


Peppa Pig
Her name is Peppa Pig. P.P. Her friends are Susie Sheep and Rebecca Rabbit. S.S and R.R. There's a Pedro Pony and a Danny Dog and a Zoe Zebra.
WHY IS HER BROTHER'S NAME GEORGE???

Also, why do Peppa and George go and feed the ducks in the pond, who say quack and swim around like ducks? Why aren't they called Diedre and Dave? Why aren't they talking in cute voices and sitting next to Peppa in Madam Gazelle's classroom? Is this some kind of animal segregation or discrimination? Are the ducks being forced to stay de-evolved, just so Peppa and George (AKA Pepe) can feed them bread?


Cars
In the world of Cars there are no people. So, why are the cars cars? A car is a people moving vehicle. They are not needed in that universe, so why do they exist? Why do they have rear view mirrors? WHO IS LOOKING OUT THE BACK WINDOW???

Little Bear
There is more than one 'little bear' in his community, I'm sure. Are they all called Little Bear? It's cool when he is hanging with his friends Duck and Owl in the woods, but what happens when they go to school and there's another little bear, another duck, another owl. This is why names exist, animals. Why make your lives so confusing?


Also, why does Father Bear wear clothes, but Little Bear doesn't? What is it with inconsistent clothing  parameters in children's Television in general? I have seen a lady polar bear (on Claude the Little White Bear) wearing no clothes, but wearing a necklace, looking in a clothes store window at dresses. Why does she care about dresses?? She only wears a necklace! If dresses do exist in her community, someone is wearing them. So, is she some kind of non conformist nudist? Way aren't the other bears pointing and gasping at her brazen only-a-necklace attire??


It was said that iconic Aussie kids TV characters Fat Cat and/or Humphrey B Bear were taken off Australian television because of their lack of pants.  Apparently this was morally wrong and could damage our children. Beloved children's characters who don't fit into human social clothing parameters are going to morally mess our kids up, but Kyle Sandilands is still  on TV. DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Bananas in Pajamas
Are they Children? Where are their parents? Are they adults? Why don't they have jobs? They buy stuff from Rat's Shop, so they have money. Where do the Bananas in Pajamas get their money from?

Grandpa in My Pocket

Why does it exist AT ALL?! Every single character makes me wanna punch a kitten. Whoever is responsible for this show needs a good kick in the shrinking cap.

Before you say anything, YES. I have put way to much thought into this and I need to chill out. 
But, if I don't point out the GRAVE errors and inconsistencies, then who will?!! I'm just thinking about the children here, people!

 How bout you? What drives you nuts about kid's TV?


Oh, and if you haven't already, how 'bout heading over to vote for me in the Sydney Writer's Centre Best Blogs People's Choice Award? I'm on page 5. 

I Need Jam Toast.

So, I'm not sure if you know this about Eli, but he needs jam toast.





And yes, I did make him some Jam Toast. Cos he is so damn funny.


Meanwhile, I drew this on the iPad. With my finger. I think she is super cute.

Speaking English

My husband is English. He is from England.
I speak English. He speaks English.
You would think that we would speak the same language?
No Way, Dude.

So, here is a tutorial on how to translate 'ENGLISH' into English.


1) The Side.
The kitchen benches are called 'The Sides'. As in, "I'll just go and wipe down the sides."  BUT: The TV channels are ALSO The Sides. As in, "Which side is Craig Ferguson on?" Confusion. What is Craig Ferguson doing on our kitchen bench? He lives in LA!!

2) Pants
Pants are undies. Pants is a funny word and will be giggled at. If you say, "Should I wear pants or a skirt?" He will be scandalised and say, "I think you should wear both!!!" What we call pants, he calls 'trousers'. Which to me is a word that should only be uttered by grandads about the pants of their WWII uniforms.


3) Swimmies

Not togs. Not Swimm-ers. Swimmies. How cute is that?

4) Yoghurt
We pronounce it 'Yoe-gurt'
He pronounces it 'Yogg-ut'
How will we raise the children!?!?

5) Juice

OK. This is gonna be confusing and complicated. 'Juice' is any drink, excluding water and alchohol.

Coke is Juice. Lemonade is Juice. Cordial is Juice. And finally most confusingly, Juice is Juice. I have learned this and now accept this lunacy as normal. That's Love, man.

6) Joggy Bottoms
= Tracksuit pants. And one of the funniest word parings around. Joggy Bottoms should be the name of a retired old vaudvillian. Or a washed up stripper. "Here's the girl you've been waiting for... Joggy Bottoms!"

7) "Trunky wants a bun."
Translation:
a) I want a bun
b) Don't be so nosy
c) Stop eating all the buns, fatty


When my Lovely Husband first said this to me, I thought he was saying "Chunky wants a bun." And I thought he was calling me fat. :-( 
But of course, he wasn't. He was just telling  me to mind my own damn business!

(The answer is actually B... like an elephant looking for buns.....stupid)


8) Route/ Root
So, in the UK, the word route (pronounced root) is NOT rude. It's how you get from here to there. That is all. So, when my cartographer husband says, "I'm just gonna plot our root." I giggle and say, "I appreciate your commitment, but why don't we just see what happens!" He rolls his eyes and says I'M immature. Then he snickers about the word 'Pants'.


OK, so I hope that's been helpful to those with Englanders in their lives. I hope you will now have less wacky misunderstandings about undies, elephants and yoghurt... (Hang on, I think that's a movie starring Joggy Bottoms...)


Do you have communication breakdowns with English speaking foreigners? Or cats? Or yourself?

Job

So, I am thinking about Jobs.


I guess my current job is Stay at Home Mum (and superstar) to my little monkeys. Which I love. I am so lucky to be able to spend this time with the boys. Financially, it can be a huge struggle, but we have made it this far! I know staying at home vs working mums can be a touchy subject. My view on that is- Do whatever you want. I don't judge what YOU do- I support you as a woman and a mum to make the choices you see as right for your children and family. And I would hope that you don't judge what I do. Let's just stop judging each other as women and mothers and start acting like frickin' sisters, like we are supposed to. OK? Good.


Anyway, back to Jobs.


(Because I am childish and immature, I still kinda giggle a bit when I hear the words Job. Job. Hee Hee)


I used to think I could never GET a fulfilling, good job because I had dropped out of Uni then had a child very young. I knew I could draw and paint, but it has always seemed like an uphill struggle to create a JOB out of paint and canvas and my own two hands.


I started working in a department store. I started as a casual Christmas Gift Wrapper in 1997, moved through departments and stores and by 2005 I was an Assistant Operations Manager. I loved that store. I loved my job. 
Then my role was canned, our store was sold and I had to start over in a new location. Sucky.

I moved into a new role. Have you ever had a job in HR? DON'T. EVER. People are jerks. The End. Man, I hated that Job.


Although, there are WAAAY worse jobs. I went to the Podiatrist the other day. As he cut the gross alligator-like skin from my feet, and I noticed the bits of that dead skin flicking and flying around the room, I thought, "You seem like a normal guy. Why would you want to do THIS! Little pieces of my foot skin are in your hair, dude. Think about that."


Back to me. In 2006 I was saved from rosters and mean staff members by a new Job. I became a Visual Merchandiser. I liked it heaps. I painted walls, dressed mannequins and hung out with cool chicks.  I was creatively inspired, which led to me growing as an artist outside of work too. Good Times. I didn't define myself by my job- I  was still going to be an world famous artist and a teenage rockstar when I grew up. But it was a Good Job.

The boys at my old store today. I didn't get big horses to play with though. Jealous.

The I had my little monkeys. And my whole future changed. 


I wonder what my 'Job' will be in that future? Can I say, when people ask me what I do,


"I am a Blogger."
"I am an Artist"
"I am a Designer"
"I am a Writer"
(Hey, aren't some of those the words on your header? I think you ALREADY can say you are those things)
(Thanks Inner Voice. You are awesome.)
And I am a kick ass mum and wife.


I think it's important to feel validated and valued as a contributor to both society and your family. Whether that is through a conventional-type job, where you get dressed up in the morning and drive somewhere to do something, or these less defined roles which can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding that you can do while wearing pajamas.


But, you know what? I'm still working it out. I still kinda think I could be a teenage rockstar.... Does it matter that I am 37? No. No it doesn't.


What about you? Have you got the whole JOB thing worked out?

Sydney Writer's Centre Best Blog Competition

This is my 161st blog post. I have been blogging for just over a year.


So, I thought it ould be an awesome time to ask all of my lovely readers to....


Vote for me in the People's Choice category of the Sydney Writers Centre Best Blogs Competition.
 Click on the button below to go to the voting page. I am on page 5 as TESSIEGIRL.

Reasons to vote for me:
1: Because I asked you to.
2: Because you are  lovely and smell like cinnamon.
3: Because you need to earn some good karma points after punching all those kittens.
4: Because you are very obedient.
5: Because you enjoy reading my blog.
6: Because you know what a blog is.
7: Because you are my mum.
8: Because you owe me a favour. Remember that $50 I lent you? No? 
9: Because you want to support Queensland bloggers.
10: Because I asked you to.


While you are there, keep your eye out some of Queensland's other awesome bloggers (Suger Coat It, Five Little Reasons, Sew Cook Laugh & Live just to name a few), who are also entered and send a vote their way too!!


You can also share on twitter via the hashtag #bestblogs2012


Blogging is the new frontier of media and communication. Get on board, baby.

Why I love Flow Charts

Sometimes, shit is confusing. Whether it be life, relationships, parenting or the characters in a book or film. I like order. I like to know what is going on.  I often feel that if I don't understand something, I need to chart it out. Make it make sense.

My sister gave me this book a while ago.

Oh my goodness. How awesome is that!?!

I think flowcharts are beautiful. I like to find connections. I love the concept of Six Degrees of Separation- that we are all only 6 connections away form each other. I like to think that everything is connected. That even though I can sometimes feel very alone, that there is an invisible web reaching out and covering me- just as it covers you. And Madonna. And Salman Rushdie. And DJ Lance.

 I watched Eden on TV the other morning and I thought, "She is one of my tribe. We are connected." Through amazing people like Eden, I am connected to the world- the awesome parts and the tragic parts.

I hope that the connections I make, that my branches on all the flow charts out in the universe- those unwritten, unchartered links and chains, I hope they are positive and important. I hope I can touch people and add something to the experiences of others.

Strangely enough, the most popular posts I have written here are those involving Flow Charts. 

Bloggers Flowchart, A Visit From the Goon Squad Chart and The Middlesex Flowchart

So, I guess there are a lot of people out there looking for connections. Are we all lonely? I think everyone is a little lonely and a little disconnected. We yearn to reach out through social media, via blogs, facebook, instagram.... And I think what we could all be whispering to the universe via these channels is,

"I am here. I am a part of something. Hear My Voice"

Clean Toddlers

SO, my babies are crazy. And they are not babies anymore. They are fully functioning, insane lunatics. They are Three. They get very dirty.


So, Gil, how do you keep them so sparkly clean and fresh smelling?
Fire Hose?
Industrial Washing Machine?
Painting over the dirt and spraying them with Febreeze?
Why, Thank You for asking, Internet! The answer is..
All of the Above!


Calm down, don't freak out.. I don't fire hose my children.. well not the little ones. That Awesome Teenager has to be kept in line somehow!!


As the twins get older, bath time is getting more fun and more demented all the time.

 These angelic little faces do not accurately depict the H20 chaos and carnage unleashed at bathtime. I only enter this room wearing a pantsuit made of Handy Paper Towels and some mop booties.

 Super speedy action fingers, Mummy! Man, I hate the feature tile in my bathroom...

Eli says, "Are you lookin' at me? Well, are ya? There aint no one else here, so You must be lookin' at me... Unless, you're lookin' at Japer, cos he kinda looks like me.. so I guess you could be lookin' at him... Whatever...."

And Jasper gives his patented Puss in Boots look that makes unsuspecting adults forget his previous antics and say, "Naawww"

So, Thanks Aveeno Baby, my little monkeys smell of Awesomeness! The Soothing Relief Creamy Wash was lovely and bubbly and didn't make anyone cry. Although, Do you have a product that cleans suds from bathroom ceilings? Just Asking.....


Do you kids love bathtime? Who doesn't!!

disclosure: I was supplied with a sample of Aveeno products to trial on my kids. All opinions and recommendations not to firehose your children are my own.

2 turn 3

 I have been a little MIA from the blog over the last week, due to  a bout of everything-sucks-itis. Thankfully, that has now passed...  and I am now in the grips of i-am-awesome and-i-can-do-everything-all-at-once-itis. Yeah Man.


Which is super lucky because, today my little Monkeys turn 3.

Look at those tiny little things. Even though they were so small and frail, and in the Special Care for a few weeks, I was never afraid. I new they were strong and awesome and amazing. I knew them then, as I know them now.
I knew they were super heroes.

We gave the boys some Mater Little Miracles Super Hero dogs. Seeing as they were born there, how cool is it that the Mater knows they are Super Heroes too!!


Happy Birthday little boys. We love you heaps.


x mummy and daddy and max

PS: Yes, before you ask, someone came in and erased all the features on my face after I gave birth.